Do you have a friend, family member or coworker that can’t stop complaining? Everyday it seems there is something new to complain about. The weather, politics, traffic, the dry cleaners or their spouse, but always complaining? Complaining to some folks is how they communicate, interestingly though, they never seem to see themselves as negative or miserable. When you confront them, they swear they are happy and positive. Really? Let’s look at complaining from another angle.
People that always complain are negative by nature. When a person is always negative they attract more negative in their lives. I have actually seen people spill a drink by overfilling a cup or glass and announcing as they walk to their seat “watch me spill this on myself” and you guessed it, spilled all over themselves and those lucky souls near them. We all attract what we think about most often good or bad. Complaining is like an emotional cancer, that no one wants to contract from these individuals.
Take the story of the old wise man. One day, a man climbed the mountain to speak to the old wise man who resides there. It seems the man had a hard time fitting in with others and being wanted. He learned a very funny joke and began to tell his joke to others. Everyone laughed and laughed at his joke and all of a sudden, he became popular. However, as weeks went by, people that laughed at his joke only began to chuckle. Then only a few would smile and finally after a month, no one thought his joke was funny anymore. The wise old man told the man that after some time, the joke is no longer funny and he must learn a new joke. The wise old man said it is the same problem with crying over the same complaints, no one really cares anymore.
Those that are strong people see complaining as a weakness. Complainers are seen as weak people not capable of solving their own problems. Complaining in most cases is just whining as an adult. These complainers are not looking for a solution, because they “just need to vent”. They accept their situation as hopeless or status quo, instead of working to change the situation and making it into a positive one, or at least change to a positive attitude about their situation. A complainer only sees the fortunate people as “lucky”, because they themselves, never have “lucky” things happen to them. Again it’s all about The Law of Attraction. You may never change a complainer but you absolutely must limit your time with their complaining. Unfortunately, we do become the people we most often associate with on a day to day basis. Just say no to public complaining, the Complaint Department is now closed!
“Complaining about a problem without proposing a solution is called whining.” —Teddy Roosevelt
Image by Stuart Miles at www.freedigitalphotos.net
Tim Wilhoit is owner/principal of Your Friend 4 Life Insurance Agency in Nashville, TN. He is a family man, father of 3, entrepreneur, insurance agent, life insurance broker, salesman, sales trainer, recruiter, public speaker, blogger, author and team leader with over 28 years of experience in sales and marketing in the insurance and beverage industries.
Thanks, that’s a good reminder to think about how we come across to other people, whether negative or positive. We all need to vent sometimes, but I agree nobody wants to be around a complainer. Negativity does spread so easily, too…you are listening to a complainer vent and before long you find yourself adding to the conversation complaining about your exhausting day, piles of work, your demanding kids and your dog that barfed all over the couch. Then later you’re regretting saying all that because when you really look at the whole picture the good things in your life far outweigh the things you were complaining about and you’ve just portrayed an negative image of yourself & your life to people you barely know.
Linda, excellent points. I really appreciate you sharing.
you can complain or you can make money, but you cant do both!
Amen Colin, successful people are to busy living life and making money to complain all day.
True words, if you spend most of your time around people who twist and complain you yourself will start to mimic them and twist and complain about them. It is so important to surround your self with positive people as positivity is contagious and breeds success.
” treat every set back as a test, look for the solution, that is how you learn and grow ”
Great article many thanks for sharing it with us all. All the best, Steve
Thank you for your kind words Steve, I appreciate it.
If I’m reading this correctly, you’re complaining about complaining! I agree to some extent–especially among politicians and talk radio hosts who make a living out of it– but complaining also serves a vital purpose; potentially instructing people who have no knowledge of a situation, or correcting the attitudes of people who have no empathy or no appreciation of others. Complaining just to hear yourself talk and get attention is hopefully what you’re talking about which can get old. Conversely, make sure you’re not falling into the PC trap of calling someone out as “negative,” since that also makes you in the seat of judging others which is far more unattractive in my book.
Also, we wouldn’t have much without people complaining: we wouldn’t have improving technology, inventions and people who finally get so sick of people whining to them that they figure out a way to shut them up! For instance, I’m glad someone along the line complained about getting rocks in their toes and shoes were invented.
Sorry for typos.. I just want my friends to know that I do care when they complain and that I disagree with the contention that “no one cares.” Kindof a broad, negative statement.
Drew, I think you mistook my point. I am not complaining just to complain which as Roosevelt stated is called whining. To recognize a problem and create a solution is far from complaining but actual progress. Complaining in the sense it is used here, is simply complaining or whining with no solution or any ideas. I do believe most of our politicians fall in that category as you mentioned but not the cobbler who created shoes because the rocks hurt his feet. Make sense?
I do stand by my title about complainers, no one really cares.
Thank you for saying that so nicely! I’m stealing this, but I’ll give you credit for it.
Thank you Lare!
Nice to read a good positive article
Grateful for your kind words Peter.
A company underwriter and I had just digressed to complaining about the nasty weather when my email notification popped up with the subject line of “Stop complaining, no one cares”. We both laughed at the timeliness of that email for your article, but on a more serious note, we all need to have that mirror held up (and have the guts to look into it!) from time to time. As Linda said, it’s a good reminder to consider how we are being viewed by others (and if that matches how we want to be viewed). Thanks for a great article!
Karol, this is an awesome story! Thank you for sharing and your kind words. maybe Law of Attraction at work with the timing?
Hi Tim,
No one likes complainers. Then a persons concerns or “pains” about the future is what we address. I am confused.
Steve it is as simple as the difference in being a problem solver or just whining.
Tim , this is an excellent read and I cannot agree more with the content. Great advice here. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for the kind words.
Interesting thoughts. I’d like to add that the act of complain is not a bad thing itself. Whay really becomes it a kind of psychosis, is the fact that the complainer does not make anything to change. Many reasons can be under surface, but as a wise man said, the first step to change yourself is the more difficult but the more important. Embrace the challenge. It is the only life you have, be productive. If you are not comfortable with something, at least do your best to change it.
Nestor, I believe we are in full agreement. To complain without a solution, idea or effort to change is whining, which was the point of my blog. To recognize a problem and work to solve it, is not complaining, but rather innovation. There is a big difference.
Wowwwwww… I just love this article dear Tim Tim Wilhoit… I wonder how many would be thankful to you after after digesting your words.
Kamal, I always value your kind words. I am grateful you enjoyed this one.
Are you complaining about complainers…
Haha Cal I was thinking the same! If someone doesn’t belong in your life? Eliminate or avoid them. The end!
Not without a solution Cal…:D
LOL Tim Wilhoit
I’m right there with you. I’m one that if you want to simply “complain”…aint got time for all that. LOL What can we do to “fix it” and lets just do it. I think some people just like to complain. Not really fix it.
The only one that cares is you–STOP talking to yourself—Tom Curry CLU CHfc
It’s ok to complain if accompanied with solutions.
All of you gentleman have a refreshing attitude!
90% of people dont care about your problems and the other 10% are glad you have them.
Albert, that is a great point as well. Thank you for sharing it.
If you don’t complain then expect to be walked over
Peter Causton, I wrote a similar article/blog in 2012, maybe it will give you additional insight into the difference between what I call “complaining and remaining” and creating change by voicing your dissatisfaction.
https://robliano.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/complaint-department/
Yes there is no point complaining in isolation. Complain with a purpose and it can be positive. Bottling up a complaint can be corrosive. Mediate and find a creative solution to your complaint!
Peter, I respectfully disagree. I believe complainers or whiners as it is used here, is the sign of weakness and you would be more likely to be walked on than a problem solver.
Whiners have a place in life just like problem solvers. The time one spends with either one does impact one’s outlook though.
Hermann, I am not sure about their place, but I 100% agree about your comment, they both influence.
Isn’t it all about the presentation? Don’t complain, point out the problem, along with a solution or remedy.
Complaining without searching for a solution is just complaining, No one cares. Complaining and finding a solution, doesnt make it complaining any longer, it is then categorized as a problem that was solved. Not always is complaining a bad thing, sometimes it takes massive complaints to make a change.
That article’s way too long. It made my eyes hurt. Now I have a headache. No one cares…
Doug Sims, that made me laugh, thank you
Enjoyed the article. It reminded me of another problem with incessant complainers in that they will almost alway find that whatever is happeneing to them is someone else’s fault, and G-d help that someone else – especially if they had nothing to do with the problem.
Dude stop complaining about complainers! Gosh a mighy!
Mark, my apologies, I did offer a solution, so I wasn’t whining. LOL
Enjoyed the article. Chuckled actually. I liked your presentation. A negative can be turned to a positive pretty quickly with the offer of a well timed solution. Cheers!
Ain’t it the truth
Complaining is but an inherent characteristics of man bestowed on him by his creator. One complains for thousand of reasons. Maybe one wants to convey message, problems, doubts, help,& thousands of reasons out there.Non-complaining may mean ignorance, no knowledge, something is wrong, satisfied,etc.Complains may not be entertaining. However, it does not conclusively mean people don’t care about your complain.Its just they don’t have time, busy or not interested for awhile.
I take it you are all managers who never listen to their staff so think the complainers are the problem and not you.
I will say that as a union representative with a staff ‘constituency’ to look after, I know exactly why it exists. You egotistical managers with no specific skills of your own with your subjective views on growth and performance are the reason why they exist. You yourself cannot take constructive feedback nor act on it from those who more often smarter than you, because your ego won’t allow it.
Your vast ego and sense of self superiority leaves staff feeling helpless and without a voice and the cause of most complaining, so please before you complain about complainers take a good look at yourself and the way you actually got to the position you’re in when there were clearly better people for the job.
That is not to say there aren’t ‘just’ complainers, but poor managers with more ego than capability are generally the root cause of poor work place engagement.
Jaison, the article was never written about “them” versus “they”. I read a lot of angry in your post. I personally find making decisions in angry are usually bad ones. I have never dealt with unions but I have labor and I find the decisions made fall upon their own favor instead of what’s best for the company. I am sure if you bring good solutions to your problems they will listen. If not, another company will and they will be out of business. Just be sure your solutions are best for everyone involved. That is how a company grows. Best of luck my friend.
The funny thing is people who complain a lot are generally disinterested in other people’s problems. We all have issues ( health, financial, family , etc.) if we all just complained about our challenges nothing would ever get done. At the end of the day, most of the underlying reasons behind someone’s complaint simply don’t matter. The situation is what it is. If you don’t like it, do something productive and change the results. That actually takes courage and effort. Complaining requires neither!
Complaining says you have no other options. Stop complaining there are many solutions.
yes we must not complain but we should find aneedy man or qualified clients beside waisting time on others ,
Complaining is normal and natural
It is the amount of complaining
The percentage of the time one complains is key
Well Said
Complaining is also a cheap way of going to therapy.
Good point Charles
It is what one does after complaining when he can think of some alternatives
Don’t forget the Alternative dispute resolution directive for those complaints that can’t be resolved…
Gosh, I hope I’m not that person…
I am a new member to your organization (yesterday). Just read through your shared article and commend you for adding in “…..without proposing a solution is called whining” —Teddy Roosevelt. And when solutions are constructive and thought out, may enable the “Complainer” to become a “Resolver” or “Problem-Solver”.
Erin, I am sure you are not THAT person. Lauralee, thank you for the kind words. I totally agree with the progression of your comment and I appreciate you sharing it.
One of my pet peeves is complaining about customers behind their backs. I think this attitude leaks into the contacts we have with them and overlooks the fact that they are our bread and butter. If they didn’t reach out and need us for things we might think are unnecessary or silly, we would not have a reason to be here. I also think that kind of complaining is contagious and can contaminate the entire staff, including me.
Kim, that is an excellent point and you are correct complaining is very contagious if exposed long enough.
Kim, that’s bad, but I think it is worse when we complain about a customer to another customer. It doesn’t have to be a customer. I always wonder to myself if you’re complaining to me about them, what are you complaining to them about me? What are you saying when I’m not around?